Jokes Sorted by Rating

I promise you cannot read these and not laugh and maybe  out loud. These are REAL notes written by PARENTS in a Tennessee school district... (Spellings have been left intact.) 1-- MY SON IS UNDER A DOCTOR'S CARE AND SHOULD NOT TAKE PE TODAY. PLEASE EXECUTE HIM. 2-- PLEASE EXKUCE LISA FOR BEING ABSENT SHE WAS SICK AND I HAD HE... (Read More)

A Christmas Story   'Twas the night before Christmas--Old Santa was pissed. He cussed out the elves and threw down his list. Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks.  I have a good mind to scrap the whole works! I've busted my ass for damn near a year,  Instead of "Thanks Santa"--what do I hear? The ... (Read More)

We hold these postulates to be intuitively obvious, that all physicists are born equal, to a first approximation, and are endowed by their creator with certain discrete privileges, among them a mean rest life, n degrees of freedom, and the following rights which are invariant under all linear transformations: 1. To approximate al... (Read More)

Human cloning is outlawed because if Chuck Norris were cloned, then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe. They say that it’s impossible to breathe in space. Tell that to Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris makes onions ... (Read More)

"Lord, I have a problem." "What's the problem, Eve?" "I know that you created me and provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, as well as that hilarious comedic snake, but I'm just not happy." "And why is that Eve?" "Lord, I am lonely, and I'm sick to death of apples." "Well, Eve, in that ... (Read More)

Two Arabs boarded a flight out of London . One took a window seat and the other sat next to him in the middle seat. Just before takeoff, a Marine sat down in the aisle seat. Shortly after takeoff, the Marine kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said, "I need to get up and get a ... (Read More)

One sunny day in 2008, an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he'd been sitting on a park bench. ... (Read More)

We need a "Add Cartoon" section button.  ... (Read More)

Scenario: Jack goes quail hunting before school, pulls into school parking lot with shotgun in gun rack.         1967 - Vice principal comes over to look at Jack's shotgun. He goes to his own car and gets his shotgun to show Jack.         2007 - School goes into lock-down, and FBI is called. Jack is hauled off to jail and never sees h... (Read More)

A tour guide was showing a tourist around Washington, D. C. The guide pointed out the place where George Washington supposedly threw a dollar across the Potomac River. "That's impossible," said the tourist. "No one could throw a coin that far!" "You have to remember," answered the guide. "A dollar went a lot farther in those days."... (Read More)