The argument about gender roles, blah, blah, blah, misses the larger function of egoism and values.
Consider the larger context of the Dennis Neder passage Sarah quoted:
Next to my book, "Being a Man in a Woman's World™", (plug, plug!) the best book I've ever read is "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie. The question should never be "Have you read this book?" The question should be "How many times have you read this book?" It is full of valuable insight and understanding into this critical skill: learning to communicate.
Let me cut to the chase. The key to communicating with a woman (or anyone else for that matter) is this: people are primarily interested in themselves. Go back and re-read that sentence 3-4 times until it really sinks in. This goes for you and me too! Everyone does the same thing: they spend 20% of their time listening to you, and 80% thinking about their own experiences related to what's being said. In fact, I'm not sure if women don't spend 95% of their time on themselves!
Ok, knowing that key, here's how you use it. Your date is interested in what? She's "...primarily interested in herself." Say that to yourself a few times. I call this "knowing your customer". The other key to all of this is "sell what your customer is buying!" If she's interested in herself, then sell her that! When she talks about her work, focus on her work. When she talks about her cat "Boots" focus on her love of cats! When she talks about the rising price of latex, ask her about her fetish wardrobe (well, not on the FIRST date!)
Here's a "dirty little secret" about the women we date: if they're under 45, they likely haven't read a newspaper or seen a news program in the past year. So, you can't talk about "current political events". To them, a current event is the release of a new shade of lipstick. And, let's face it; you probably aren't up to speed on this. So don't try. Instead, learn to get HER TO DO THE TALKING. You're going to be amazed at what a great conversationalist YOU'LL become when she rolls on for hours!
Now ignoring the secondary question about whether women under 45 pay heed to the media, would anyone deny that people inherently focus on themselves?
Is this not a basic precept of Objectivism?
The strategy of letting the other person do most of the talking -- originated by Carnegie and repeated by Neder -- delivers the value of building bonds with that person. If you judge a person worthy of bonding via the Objectivist virtue of justice, then the benevolent act of "letting the other person do most of the talking" becomes a productive activity. This is a global strategy one can tailor depending on the type of bond desired -- romance, business, etc.
As long as you get value from that strategy, it remains egoistic. Only when it fails to deliver value does it become altruistic. Of course, eventually deeper and more equal conversations will be needed. But it will help people, especially shy or quiet ones, to build the rapport they need to garner the social values they desire.
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