RoR: Forum

Love it, Jenna!

When I was a kid, my dad took me to see Good Guys Wear Black -- and I was immediately hooked. By the way, I liked these ones the most ...

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They say that it’s impossible to breathe in space. Tell that to Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Centuries from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell “What the hell was that?”

It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but there was a problem– It wouldn’t take shit from anybody.

Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter.
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Hilarious (to a fan of "the man")!

Ed

Post 1

Saturday, March 18, 2006 - 5:19pm

Chuck Norris can speak braille.

LOL! I'm remembering that one!

Post 2

Saturday, March 18, 2006 - 6:25pm

LOL yeah - remember meeting him in Norfolk, VA back in early 80's, when he was doing one of those promos for movie and his schools or courses or something like that - quite a guy....

Post 3

Saturday, March 18, 2006 - 7:23pm

I always read these (deliriously funny) and wonder where all this about Chuck Norris came from. Then I knew:

Chuck Norris didn't come from anywhere, anywhere came from Chuck Norris.

[fist pump]. I really liked the physics and math ones. We truly are a sophisticated bunch.

The dinosars looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way--once.

Michael Allen Yarbrough

Post 4

Saturday, March 18, 2006 - 7:30pm

I didn't realize he was the focus of so many jokes. I especially enjoyed the odd geeky ones, eg.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Crop circles are Chuck Norris’ way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.

Post 5

Saturday, March 18, 2006 - 9:12pm

Before he forgot a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.

Post 6

Saturday, March 18, 2006 - 10:05pm

Funny. In R. Bidinotto's Blog, he references the same one-liners, except his man of steel is Jack Bauer

http://bidinotto.journalspace.com/?entryid=342

Also for you Norris fans, Chuck Norris can in fact be beaten.

Post 7

Sunday, March 19, 2006 - 7:41am

Ultimate showdown: BRILLIANT. :)

Post 8

Sunday, March 19, 2006 - 4:05pm

There are more of these, apparently they come in groups of 31 and can be found via Google.

My favourite: Chuck Norris doesn't have to read - he just stares at the words on the page until they give him the information he wants.

Post 9

Sunday, March 19, 2006 - 6:40pm

> Chuck Norris can in fact be beaten.

Okay, I just made up my own:

Chuck Norris can be beaten, but only if you clone three of him.

Post 10

Monday, March 20, 2006 - 7:20pm

In fine print on the last page of the Guiness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to matching him.

Post 11

Monday, March 20, 2006 - 7:36pm

Ultimate showdown: I giggled so hard! Mr. Rogers... oh, man.

I tried to make up a Chuck Norris fact, but it's harder than it looks! :) But my friend David and I are going to write an article for the Onion with the headline "5 out of 1 People Suffer from Multiple Personality Disorder". When we have spring break, of course.

There's a site where people can supposedly make up their own Chuck Norris or Mr. T fact, submit them, and vote them in, but I haven't found the site yet.

Post 12

Monday, March 20, 2006 - 7:44pm

Chuck Norris thought up some of the funniest Chuck Norris facts ever, but he hasn't submitted them because he doesn't believe in any form of submission.

Post 13

Monday, March 20, 2006 - 8:16pm

Good one, Jenna...;-))

Post 14

Monday, March 20, 2006 - 11:36pm

Here's one for The Onion that I doubt they'd publish (it's second hand - seen in a Mark Steyn column - and they're pretty left wing):

"Islamic community leaders warn of backlash against muslims brought on by tomorrow morning's terror attacks."

Post 15

Tuesday, March 21, 2006 - 4:27am

Chuck Norris once bit my sister.

Or was it a moose? Well, it looked like Chuch Norris...

Is it Friday yet??

Post 16

Wednesday, March 22, 2006 - 7:33am

Nature, to be commanded, must be obeyed. Tell that to Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris learned to run before he learned to walk.

Chuck Norris. He put the spree in 'killing spree.'

Axioms are undeniable and inescapable, but so is Chuck Norris.

It's often wondered what would happen if indestructible force met immoveable object. Chuck Norris doesn't care.

The biophysics behind bumblebee flight just doesn't add up -- until you factor in Chuck Norris.

Socrates was a man, sure. But he was no Chuck Norris.

To be is to be something that fears Chuck Norris.

They say that Great White sharks have no natural predators. That's because Chuck Norris hasn't learned to swim.

They say that dogs can smell fear. Chuck Norris can smell dogs.

Ed

Post 17

Wednesday, March 22, 2006 - 1:49pm

They say that dogs can smell fear. Chuck Norris can smell dogs.

LOL.

A is Chuck Norris. ;)

Post 18

Wednesday, March 22, 2006 - 6:11pm

Fountainhead rewrite:

"Mr. Roark, we're alone here. Why don't you tell me what you think of me? In any words you wish. No one will hear us."

"But I don't think of you. I think of Chuck Norris."

//;-)

Michael

Post 19

Saturday, March 25, 2006 - 2:44am