| | I just did a horrible thing - not one I intend to repeat in the future. But I just shamelessly went through the whole lot of you and bonked those who said that I touched them by my article. I am so overwhelmed that I didn't know how else to express my gratitude.
Here's a comment or two for all of you:
Kitten – You first (as is proper).
You are Number Only. Sole. My highest value. The woman who really does fit my whole life and spirit like a glove. I love you. Purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr…
Linz – I want to put credit where credit is due. You are the one who saw potential in a story I told you and asked me to do the article. You corrected a horribly misspelled word and you were the one who suggested to italicize the last line (that’s the artist for you). But most of all, you did Solo. I consider myself to be a Solo success story and I am very proud of that.
For those who have not heard it, I will repeat it here - ON SOLO I came out publicly as an Objectivist, I realized a lifelong dream of talking to Barbara Branden, I met the woman I love and I am accumulating a body of work that will serve me well in future projects. There’s a lot more too. I find all of this eminently worth fighting for and that is why I have fought so hard to keep Solo strong. Thank you so much, Linz (and deep thanks to Joe and Jeff for Solo by extension).
Barbara - What can I say? I read your post and my ears turned red. Good God! Now I have to live up to that in your eyes? (looking around - Where'd that damn whiskey bottle go to?) (Just kidding – dayaam!! Stop thinking so loud!!!)
Seriously speaking. Your presence and friendship honor me more than I ever expected in life. Now I believe you can begin to understand some of the impact your book had on me (believe it or not, there’s a bit more). I would like to give here a quote from my "coming out as an Objectivist" post – the one to you here on Solo on February 17, 2005:
"In your case, specifically, I consider you as a for-real heroine in life. Only a heroine could have kept her peace all those years to honor a pledge of secrecy that should not have been required of anyone. And only a heroine could have broken it the way you did."
Thank you from the depths of my heart, mind and soul.
Ruth – I might pass on that story of yours (maybe not). Still, once in a lifetime is enough! Btw – I most certainly was a victim. I also reacted poorly. Both are facts – and I had to learn them and make peace with them the hard way. Both hurt a lot back then too. (No longer and no self-pity.) Thank you for reading my article.
Matthew – I’ve been accused of a lot in life, but never stunning! Dayaamm! Thank you.
John Newnham – As usual, your words mean a so very much to me. Let me disclose publicly that I asked you to revise an un-released article of mine a while back, and you did so brilliantly. I hope your comments showed here. Thank you. (Now how about you. Huh? Huh? Huh? You know I love your work.)
Luke – You have turned into quite a sidekick. Thank you. I like you. I once predicted that we would become lifelong friends. I see that starting to come to pass.
Sharon – Thank you very much. Yes, I am relieved to leave all that behind, but there was a whole lot more first! Dayaamm! And who said I was finished? //;-)
Derek – I am in full agreement that I would not have produced a piece like this on any other forum than Solo. I have seen several posters state that I am inspiring them to write similar accounts – and you have no idea of how that brings joy to me. This, to me, is one of the things Solo is all about – taking the covers off embarrassment and hidden misery and embracing life to the fullest. Thank you most deeply for your kind words and appreciation.
Michael Marotta – Sanctioned right back at you. (wink)
Sarah House – Thank you so very much. You know I think you represent the finest spirit a person can have around here – and, hell, you’re not even an Objectivist! Solo needs more like you. Shine on, girl.
Marcus Bachelor – Thank you for the kind words. (It’s been a while since I have heard "bravo.") Yes, I survived. But I don’t ever want to go though that again.
Robert Winefield – Thank you. I am particularly pleased that you and others hone in on what I wanted to convey in the article – the spirit that is needed to recover from being targeted, and just not the trouble itself.
Mike Erickson – What you said, that I affected your life, is one of the highest praises that any author can ever expect. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I somehow feel that when we finally meet, we are going to be good friends. Over time, whenever I have seen a post of yours, I have always checked it out. We think a great deal alike.
Jeffrey Lewis – Thank you. I’ll be seeing you down at the poetry café. (Sorry I have been absent. I have been a bit swamped, but I will be there shortly.)
Vernon Redwine – Let it all out, man. Get all the poison out. I know exactly where you are at. It’s always a new story and it’s always the same old story. Did you decide to do it online like that, or were you not able to keep it in anymore? Since you did it that way, I also would like to make a comment about this in public.
I want to tell you something – something really precious – but please take this from one who lost ten years of his life when he found himself where you are now, and at about the same age. Someone who knows. I see you, man.
It ALL hurts right now. Every bit of it, and it is OK to hurt. Let it out like you are doing.
But there are two hurts. One is from the crucifixion. Nails and starvation hurt. Bad.
The other is from the self-pity that comes on without being called. It doesn’t want to go away either – but you have to make it. Otherwise it will take you down. The only way I know how to do this by yourself is through introspection to identify which is which. You don’t have to be ashamed of it. It’s OK to feel self-pity. There is nothing immoral in that. We all do at one time or another. It’s not OK to ignore it. The price is way too high.
Let the hurt run, then analyze. Then let it run some more, then analyze. Find people who have been there and talk to them. Share not only the pain, but the solutions. You have a long road to go, but I can assure you, it is possible to get out of where you are at and be happy. And you will find some of your dreams along the way. Don’t ever let the self-pity keep you reaching for a star – at least one second each day if you can’t do more. Just one second. Just one. It will grow…
num++ - No articles in the works right now on how to detect hidden malice, but that is not a bad idea. I have always found 20-20 hindsight to be very perceptive in my life . //;-) Thank you muchly (grrrkkk!) for your appreciation.
Michael Dickey – Thank you for your kind words and comments. I have grappled with some of the doubts you raised and, as I mentioned in the article, have inverted the rigidity-tolerance over time over many values. This has served me well.
Andrew Bates – What a great pleasure! Thank you! When are you going to take a picture in that Hooters t-shirt that all those pretty girls signed for you?
Bob Palin – What another great pleasure! I am so glad you identified – I’m very, very touched. And yes, there is a wonderful sense of life around here and I intend to bask in it and foster it as much as I can. It is a shame some miss out because of misunderstandings. From one basker-fosterer to another (what a joyous sense of life you have) – thank you very much.
David Brown – I cheated with you and bonked you anyway because of your e-mail. You are a marvelous person and thank you very much. Of course, your advice to that troubled soul is absolutely correct in order to help start getting over the self-pity. What is hard right now (I believe, at least, from what I read) is that there is nothing but huge waves of pain and confusion. Still, a little independence will go a long way for him to get on with the healing.
James Heaps-Nelson – Thank you deeply. As I mentioned above, affecting the life of another human being is the greatest tribute any writer can hope for. I appreciate that more than you can know.
Landon Erp – Thank you very much. I am pleased you liked my article.
Clarence Hardy – I am going to drown in all the gushes! LOL… If only choosing a woman were as simple as nationality! It isn’t. Be careful with requirements and paranoia too. I fell off into the trap of being so skeptical and demanding that I spent long stretches of needless loneliness. Everyone needs you to cut them some slack. That is part of what friendship and love are about. The rub for me has been to find the right point.
James Kilbourne – Thank you so much, my friend. I have wanted to be noticed by you for some time (you’re never supposed to say that are you?). I am very glad you could learn a bit of who I am. (There’s more.) Anybody who brings happiness into Barbara’s life like you do with your friendship has my full, almost unconditional, admiration and respect.
Whew! I hope I didn’t miss anyone (if I did, please Solo mail me and complain). I will get the ones who come after this post later. I don’t intend to leave anyone out.
I’m touched by all of you. Once again, thank you all from deep within my heart.
Michael
(Edited by Michael Stuart Kelly on 6/27, 10:31pm)
(Edited by Michael Stuart Kelly on 6/27, 11:42pm)
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