| | Joe,
I liked your original article, but I don't find your example of the person having to choose between investing the time to establish a reputation as a good worker and spending time looking for (or preparing oneself) for a romantic relationship to be a good one, for a number of reasons:
In today's advanced economy in which most jobs (even quite challenging ones) are forty or at most fifty hours a week, there is plenty of time for the active and thorough pursuit of both productive career and romantic love. And it's unrealistic to think either that the rational employer is going to think only the person who puts in seventy hour weeks is the only good worker. Plus in most fields, one can switch jobs and find another employer - there is a huge job market and no one indispensable, lifetime job. Also, what one did just out of college or for a portion of one's early career can be erased by good work, successes later on. You're allowed to make some mistakes, to find your own niche, even switch careers in most lines of work . . . in fact the latter is becoming more and more common.
With regard to the romantic value: On the one hand, time spent developing, for example, one's social skills / people assessment and physical fitness itself can make one better at one's career. The first gives you a better ability to deal with your coworkers, your boss, choose between different companies. The second gives you more energy, physical alertness, blood flow to the brain, etc. to get more out of each hour of work. And finding the right person can make you happier and better adjusted and more energized, all of which can make you better at work. (Of course, it works in reverse, the productive hard-working, intellectually engaged with work person is more attractive to the right kind of woman, the kind he needs in the first place, than the person who drifts or has no high and consuming goals.)
This supposed concrete "clash" between values is actually an example of your point about the need not to balance incompatibles or clashing values (or in this case, to exclusively choose one or the other for a major portion of one's life) but to integrate the two. Which is what my discussion here is trying to do. The integration, of course, does involve a trade-off: in this case the limited variable is -time-. You have to figure out the most sensible amount of time to put in at your career (there is reading and thinking outside of the forty hours in some more demanding careers) and at the romantic side.
I'm sure you were not advocating this, but the big mistake so many people make (and I find this a lot among "perfectionist" or obsessive types, including many Objectivists) in choosing how to pursue multiple important values is to think it is either-or, all or nothing, one choice done perfectly will not allow any time spent on the other. So many people are workaholics or romanceaholics or partyaholics or gymrataholics.
They go overboard, either enjoying one alternative so much or thinking it is so overriding a value needing all one's focus, that they don't realize that if you are wise and judicious you -can- have it all. Not in terms of concretes (the entirely perfect, unflawed job; the romantic relationship with physical perfection and no annoyances). But in terms of fundamental values and goals. (Edited by Philip Coates on 3/18, 11:19am)
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