RoR: Forum

I have go! Can someone please fix the link?

Thanks!

Post 1

Saturday, January 31, 2015 - 7:02am

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r-8JDpT1mSM

was successful for me.

Post 2

Saturday, January 31, 2015 - 10:51am

"enjoyment and amazement": by far an understatement. Perhaps the best thing I've seen in over ten years of perusing objectivist websites. This made me feel very emotional, like getting a glimpse of heaven after a lifetime of living in hell. Thanks very much Teresa for posting this, very, very much.

Post 3

Monday, February 2, 2015 - 4:47pm

It was mostly a string of negatives: don't do this, don't do that; here's a bad example... Only toward the end did she identify her thesis: To raise heroic children, be the hero you want to be. She did not elucidate on that. I could go into personally embarrassing details... So the cop says to the 12-year old behind the wheel, "Your bumper sticker says that you are a libertarian..." But perhaps another time...

As I often - very often, very, very, very often - told my daughter: "You can choose your actions. You cannot chose the consequences." I note that this Rosyln Ross child did not cite anything from her own personal experience as a successful parent. (ahem)

(Edited by Michael E. Marotta on 2/02, 4:49pm)

Post 4

Monday, February 2, 2015 - 10:48pm

That was wonderful.

I do wish she gave more concrete examples, but she did give four near the end from her own experiences.

Post 5

Tuesday, February 3, 2015 - 10:33am

http://www.amazon.com/Lucky-Mom-through-Observation-Understanding-ebook/dp/B00BDFM73O/ref=sr_1_8?ie=UTF8&qid=1422988041&sr=8-8&keywords=the+lucky+mom

this is a most interesting and good book, written by an Objectivist mom, on raising your youngster from birth... she has a facebook page, and gives almost daily examples of how to deal with the growing child - the one in the book is now into his third year, and she has an infant daughter, which adds to the individuality aspect... she mentions also other books well worth looking into on rational raising, so there is much material on which to gleam good information and helpful hints...

Post 6

Tuesday, February 3, 2015 - 12:01pm

Here is a quote from Amber Pawlicks book:

By two months old, our son was frequently smiling at many things around him. I think by providing for his needs, we created a world for him that is benevolent. Providing a loving environment where his needs are taken care of is, in my opinion, the first and best thing you can do to create a child who sees the world as a fun and happy place, i.e., has a "benevolent universe" premise (as presented by Ayn Rand). The child naturally bonds with his environment whether it is a good one or a bad one. Make it a good one.

I couldn't agree more!

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In her blog she highly recommends “Liberated Parents, Liberated Children” - an excellent book. It was written by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish, long-time students of Haim Ginott, the psychologist who wrote "Between Parent and Child." It is Ginott's approach to children and teens that Faber and Mazlish do such a fine job of extolling. Branden knew Ginott and was very much a fan of his where it came to parenting.

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A couple of quotes from "Between Parent and Child":

What do we say to a guest who forgets her umbrella? Do we run after her and say "What is the matter with you? Every time you come to visit you forget something. If it's not one thing it's another. Why can't you be like your sister? When she comes to visit, she knows how to behave. You're forty-four years old! Will you never learn? I'm not a slave to pick up after you! I bet you'd forget your head if it weren't attached to your shoulders." That's not what we say to a guest. We say "Here's your umbrella, Alice," without adding "scatterbrain."
Parents need to learn to respond to their children as they do to guests.

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Parental criticism is unhelpful. It creates anger and resentment. Even worse, children who are regularly criticized learn to condemn themselves and others. They learn to doubt their own worth and to belittle the value of others. They learn to suspect people and to expect personal doom.

Post 7

Tuesday, February 3, 2015 - 3:53pm

I thought her presentation was full of real examples.

I immediately related to being bitten by a teething baby. Back then it never occurred to me to be sympathetic to his need to bite while teaching him to respect my right not to be bitten.

I think she's fantastic.

Post 8

Wednesday, February 4, 2015 - 5:04am

Haim Ginott contended:

What do we say to a guest who forgets her umbrella? Do we run after her and say "What is the matter with you? Every time you come to visit you forget something. If it's not one thing it's another. Why can't you be like your sister? When she comes to visit, she knows how to behave. You're forty-four years old! Will you never learn? I'm not a slave to pick up after you! I bet you'd forget your head if it weren't attached to your shoulders." That's not what we say to a guest.

Well, yes, actually, some of us would say that to guests, but only because the houseguests from hell deserved it.

I have not yet watched the video nor read the books mentioned in this thread so I will not comment further beyond saying that children need a little more slack than adults in terms of the respond-Sybil-itty dumped into their laps.

Post 9

Saturday, February 7, 2015 - 9:07am

I found Amber Pawlik on Facebook. (Two others have the same name. She is here: https://www.facebook.com/amber.pawlik.3 ) Her current project went from being called "Parent without Pain, or Fear, or Guilt" to "Child without Pain, or Fear, or Guilt." She posted a link to a Christian Science Monitor story about two nine-year olds who were left alone for 120 days. Except for not paying the cable bill, they did fairly well. They got themselves to school every day, did their homework, and all that. The school found out about their plight when one of the twins came in under-dressed for November.

As for Rosalyn Ross's advice, it was all observational. (She gave one example about breast-feeding.) I have been mulling this over for a week. She constructs a hypothetical mother - herself three years from now - who raised her kid to eat whatever Mom eats, or go without. The choice was the child's. No begging, pleading, bribing, or threatening over vegetables and all that. And that's fine. My wife was a bit more invested in the vegetable wars, but basically, we both just let our daughter make her own food choices. But you must understand that that included the right to go to the fridge or stove and find or make her own food. (I taught her how to scramble eggs when she was 18 months. Of course, I hovered over her, but soon enough, she got it. I would still have to take the pan from the stove and carry it to the sink, but in a few years, she could do that, too.) Hotdogs, peanut butter sandwiches, and things like that are easy. Mostly, she ate what we did about 99% of the time - but she had the freedom to make a different choice. Rosalyn Ross seems not to care if the kid goes hungry. And the only "responsibility" she will be teaching is "my way or the highway." And as I said at first, most of Ross's talk was negative about the known failures of other people's mystical altruistic parenting. Nothing new was in that.

Amber Pawlik is pro-active. She is raising her child very consciously. She has another website: http://www.amberpawlik.com with more political and philosophical content.

(Edited by Michael E. Marotta on 2/07, 9:16am)

Post 10

Sunday, February 8, 2015 - 5:50am

I think Rosylin is perceptive enough to understand that children aren't as stupid as many people think. The drive to eat when hungry is much stronger than icky vegetables.

Her own son is about 4 years old and simply eats what she eats.

I've always hated asparagus and cauliflower. Still do. I used to love raisins, but can't stand them now. I used to hate cilantro, but not anymore. Always loved spinach. Still do.

(Edited by Teresa Summerlee Isanhart on 2/08, 5:56am)

Post 11

Monday, February 9, 2015 - 12:41pm

I'm watching the video in tidbits as time permits, but I think there's some great information in there. Thanks for posting, Teresa, and thanks to everyone for their additional reading recommendations.

One thing that has stood out to me so far in the video is the part about allowing reality to direct your child's behavior. That's something that I struggle with daily. It's so much easier said than done, but it is quite liberating for both me and my son when I can get it right. How successful it is still remains to be seen. One example comes from this school year (4th grade is hard, dammit). Between my son's dyslexia and the general nature of 4th grade being a huge transitional year academically, we've had some obstacles. At one point, my son asked me when I was going to start punishing him for his poor grades. I explained to him that it's not my job to punish him, that his punishment would come quite naturally to him next school year when he's repeating 4th grade while all his friends move on to 5th without him. But again, that is hard! Standing back and allowing your child to fail when you know he is more than capable of succeeding is heart wrenching. He's back on the honor roll somehow, though, so....

MEM, while I think I can agree with the sentiment, I can't get on board with your guest analogy. My child is far far more than a guest in my home, and I would never want him to feel that way. Our home is just as much his as mine. He earns his place there by contributing to the value of our family, and while no, he does not deserve my derision, he does deserve my honesty. So, if he has lost 3 jackets (or umbrellas or whatever) in one semester of school, it is perfectly reasonable of me to say, "Sorry dude your inability to keep up with your belongings is going to cost ya."

Post 12

Thursday, February 12, 2015 - 6:16pm

Deanna Delancey: On a different topic entirely, I am not sure that any such thing as "dyslexia" exists. Sure, you mistake a lion paw track for a deer hoof, and you pay for your mistake. But - as Tolkein pointed out when he constructed his languages and alphabets - R and B look alike but sound nothing alike. I had a class in Arabic and much of it is still scribbles to me -- and apparently to 75% of the Muslims in the world who are illiterate in Arabic. Yet, Arabic, Hebrew, Roman, and the others are all supposedly descended from the One True Alphabet of the Phoenicians. OK. I can see a house in B Beth and all that... but by what law written in the stars is the alphabet intuitively obvious?

Look: some people do music and some kids are musical prodigies... mathematics, painting, whatever... You know, in Finland they have these car crash races in the snow where 11-year olds run old Mercedes**... I mean, really, why not test that in every grade school in America?

PS: The house guest problem was not from me, but from Luke Setzer and echoed by the echoic Steve Wolfer who never offers an original idea, perhaps suffering from dysidea or maybe just a lack of self-esteem.

**Harder to find now on YouTube. Here is a BBC guy learning. But anyone can participate in these road rallies, 11 or 110. The rules stipulate that a winner ahead of a loser can demand the registration, so 1000 EU is the limit of the value of the cars: very many used Mercedes and Volvos. Would you let your kid do it? I would! (Here is an eight-year old, below my limit, I confess...)

Post 13

Friday, February 13, 2015 - 12:26am

.....echoed by the echoic Steve Wolfer who never offers an original idea, perhaps suffering from dysidea or maybe just a lack of self-esteem.

Marotta, you are such an ass. Oh, gee, there I go again, another idea that isn't origional!

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The house guest example was a quote from Haim Ginott and perhaps I didn't give enough detail to grasp the context. It was about avoiding unnecessary or overly harsh criticism. It was not that a child was a guest or that a child never needed guidance.

Post 14

Friday, February 13, 2015 - 8:32am

MEM, obviously my mistake there. My apologies.

Regarding dyslexia, what I am sure of is that my son exhibits a distinct set of behaviors, qualities, and thought processes that are common amongst a particular group of people. Things like the inability to visually distinguish b from d when written or typewritten on a page, ambidexterity, confusion between left and right, confusion between concepts like before and after particularly in terms of telling time, phonetic spelling, migraines, sensitivity to loud noises, prone to motion sickness, and a laundry list of other things. I am also sure that there are strategies, some proven, some experimental, that help these people to be more successful academically. Call it what you will, I don't care. The evaluators, teachers, tutors, and guidance counselors that are involved in my son's education call it dyslexia.

In the interests of being proactive, for the record, my son is privately educated. There are no 504 accomodations afforded him. Every test, evaluation, meeting, tutor, textbook, and strategy that has been put forth in the interest of my son's education has been at my expense, and his success is largely due to his hard work.

An interesting sidenote, my son once had difficulty distinguishing p from q. However, in the course of learning piano, he discovered those letters resembled musical notes. He assigned certain notes to the letters and that's how he distinguishes them now. He literally hears music when he reads.

Post 15

Friday, February 13, 2015 - 5:23pm

Yes, Steve, you are right on both points:

MEM .....echoed by the echoic Steve Wolfer who never offers an original idea, perhaps suffering from dysidea or maybe just a lack of self-esteem.
SW Marotta, you are such an ass. Oh, gee, there I go again, another idea that isn't origional!

We have enough real differences between us. It would have been sufficient to point to your discussion with Luke. My insult had no place in the discussion.

Post 16

Friday, February 13, 2015 - 5:56pm

Deanna, I am sure that you know your son; and I am fully confident that you work hard at parenting. I still mistake q and g, especially on the keyboard. If I am writing along, goodness quations [goodness gracious], no telling what comes up sometimes... It is, as far as I know, just some glitch in my early learning.

My wife and brother both suffer from migraines. I only get the flashing lights, not the headaches or nausia. An armchair psychologist here on RoR and another on MSK's OL "diagnosed" me with Aspergers Syndrome. I deny the validity of the concept. (Though, I think that Steve got the first syllable right...) I have a nephew who reads outloud very well; and who talks about what he did at school all day; but who cannot tell you what he just read. Hard to say what causes that...

Right-handedness may be statistically "natural" in lower animals as some studies show. However, I know that early writing was bi-directional. They call it boustrophedon: ox-plowing. Left to right, right to left, left to right, right to left... And our most basic tools are ambidextrous: axe, spear, bow, knife, hammer, saw, screwdriver (invented in the 15th century)... When I taught my daughter to play baseball, she took to throwing right and batting left; and some major leaguers are like that. (Gloves are handed; the ball and bat are not. Footballs are not... basketballs... Bowling balls are handed, but bocci balls are not...) Ambidextrous people are just stuck in an asymmetrical world of our own making.

I think that human behaviors (plural) are along a continuum. We know more about them today because we have words for them, and therefore ideas about them. It is not so much that your son has "problems" as that you identify them and work on them. In days gone by, the school would have just punished him for several years until he left; and he would have never risen above being a common day laborer -- unless he had some special talent. Then everyone would wonder how someone so skilled at that never learned to read ...

Just sayin'... the fault lies not with his stars... It is our wholly arbitrary expectations that punish anyone outside of any real or imagined norm. Your parenting like Ragnar and Kate is easy to credit to your own intelligence and integrity. Every parent should be as attuned to their children as you are.

(Edited by Michael E. Marotta on 2/13, 6:08pm)

Post 17

Sunday, February 15, 2015 - 12:25pm

http://irlen.com/reading-problems-dyslexia-learning-difficulties-the-irlen-method/

This is my fourth year as a judge at our regional science fair. I work in behavorial and social sciences. This year, one of the projects addressed lighting and learning. To gain background understanding for myself, I ran some searches. (First, we need to make sure that this did not come from Science Buddies or some other website with recipes for science projects.) I found these:

Q: Are all reading problems caused by Irlen Syndrome? A: No. Research has shown that about 46% of individuals with reading problems, dyslexia, or learning disabilities have this type of perceptual processing problem. Irlen Syndrome can be the only reason for reading difficulties or a piece of the puzzle existing in combination with other reasons for reading difficulties.

Q: Can you correct reading problem caused by Irlen Syndrome? A: Yes. Correction of this problem is with the use of Irlen colored overlays and lenses. Use of the Irlen filters does not negate the importance of teaching reading skills and the need for practice. However, print clarity, stability and reading comfort provided by Irlen Spectral Filters are building blocks for learning and success.

http://sgo.sagepub.com/content/spsgo/2/2/2158244012445585.full.pdf

Illuminating the Effects of Dynamic Lighting on Student Learning

Michael S. Mott1, Daniel H. Robinson2, Ashley Walden1, Jodie Burnette1, and Angela S. Rutherford1

Effects for Lighting and Learning

Because lighting profoundly affects numerous levels of

human functioning such as vision, circadian rhythms, mood, and cognition, its implicit effects on learning and classroom achievement cannot be dismissed. Several studies have addressed how the quality and color of lighting can either impair or enhance students’ visual skills and, thus, academic performance. Visual impairments alone can induce behavioral problems in students, and the level of concentration and motivation in the classroom. Cheatum and Hammond (2000) estimated that around 20% of children who enter the school encounter visual problems (e.g., problems with focusing, eye tracking, training, lazy eye, and trabismus). Among elementary school children, 41% have experienced trouble with tracking, 6% have refractive errors, and 4% have strabismus (Koslowe, 1995, as cited in Cheatum & Hammond, 2000). The same study suggests that “the inability of visual tracking is also thought to be the cause of behavioral problems and being illiterate” (Cheatum & Hammond, 2000, p. 6). Winterbottom & Wilkins (2009) suggested that certain features of lighting can cause discomfort and impair visual …

Post 18

Monday, February 16, 2015 - 1:49pm