| | "Open communication is highly valued. Such a structure is flexible rather than rigid, open and discussible rather than closed and authoritarian. In such a structure, parents offer explanations, not commandments."
What happens when you are on the telephone long distance, discussing your dying father with your sister, when Little Johnny decides, as your equal, that his drawing is, RIGHT THIS MINUTE, the appropriate topic of discussion?
If you have amild-mannered child, great, this never becomes a problem. But what if you do not?
Now, with "Open communication" I think you are really arguing for valuing Little Johnny's nonsensical tripe as well as his occasionally coherent conversation as equal to adult concerns. So, seriously, tell me, what do you do when the kid wont take no for an answer? We know you cannot veto him, or be 'authoritarian' as such would be terrible for his self-esteem. But dont you also want to discuss what the hell is happeneing to your father?
Let me give you an example of how I would handle it.
"Son, Daddy is on the telephone right now. Grandpa is very sick, and we will look at your picture pretty soon, ok?"
"Johnny, Daddy is on the phone. Knock it off and go sit down, ok?"
"Sis, please hold on for a moment, ok? Johnny, that's is, you go sit on the couch RIGHT NOW!"
"Sis, hold on. Johnny, I am going to spank your little ass if you don't stop screaming and crawling on my leg."
And, finally, "Sis hold on. WHACK! Now get your ass in your bedroom."
Is this so bastardly and evil that it is beyond comprehension? It is harmful, hurtful and wrong? How? Will I be raising a mass-murderer if I let my kid know that he can have adult respect when he has adult responsibilities? And that there are limits to his relevance to the rest of the world? Or should I let him grow up thinking that his whims are the focus of all creation?
Im sorry, two of my sisters' kids were such little bastards that this 'equal communication' nonsense is a prescription for insanity. As soon as Little Johnny starts bringing home the bacon, cleaning the house, and providing food, clothing, shelter and entertainment, then he gets an equal vote in the conversation topic wars. Until then, he will be vetoed when appropriate, as gently as possible, but as needed thereafter. If you cannot accept that, I would suggest a visit from Nanny 911 for you.
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Overly "permissive" parents tend to produce highly anxious children. By this I mean parents who back away from any leadership role; who treat all family members as equal not only in dignity but also in knowledge and authority; and who strive to teach no values and uphold no standards for fear of "imposing" their "biases" on their children.
