| | Romance vs. Love vs. Sexual Release
I have been in three long term romantic relationships, all of them fulfilling and lasting over several years. In between I engaged in both one-time and regular casual sexual encounters where the object of a long term relationship was not envisioned by either party.
I view Romance as a loving (caring) sexual relationship where both parties are infatuated with each other. The infatuation results initially from perceptual cues, appearance, body language, pheromones, etc., but only continues if one finds sufficient value in the other. I would find it impossible to stay infatuated with a dolt or a manipulator. All three of my romantic relationships have had their problems, and none of my lovers has been an objectivist, yet each has understood my objectivism and agreed in general with my beliefs.
My first relationship ended due to our youth and our desires to move to different areas, we have stayed friends, and did part for a time and then resume our relationship after a hiatus before our final parting. My second relationship ended with the murder of my lover, otherwise we would still be together - I would hope. My third relationship has lasted for quite some time with hiatuses during which I dated and engaged in casual relations. My third lover was sometimes jealous of my murdered lover, and I do confess openly that I would return to my second love in a heartbeat, were it possible.
One "objection" that I had with Rand's portrayal of Dagny's relationships in AS is Dagny's decision to abandon Rearden after finding Galt. I myself view loyalty as an overriding motive in my relationships. If a current actual affair is satisfying, I have little desire to end it, even if a possible future affair might be more rewarding. I see the actual history as a mutual investment to be valued more highly than an expected future benefit. I could envision falling out of love, and then moving on, but that does not seem to be what happened between Dagny and Rearden, or even Dagny and Francisco. I have always viewed Dagny's being desired by three men that she was simultaneously in love with as being a fantasy more than a real likelihood.
Regarding sexual release, I have mentioned before that I spent almost a year living with Mexican illegals. Once a month, they would visit a Mexican whorehouse in New Brunswick, NJ, where I was living and went to Rutgers. There was no coercion, perversion or denial involved, so far as I was aware. The first time I went with them (I provided the transportation) they did not tell me the destination, joking that it would be a surprise. When we arrived, they offered to pay my fee. I declined. Later that night they had me drive them to another destination, where there were compliant homosexuals, I also declined. [My friends from Oaxaca (pronounced wa-há-ka) were strangely pagan in their view of homosexuality, many preferring sodomy to coitus.] I found their concern that I be satisfied very touching, and their mystification at my lack of desire in either case amusing. But in no sense did I feel that any party at any time was in any way degraded or immoral.
Rand herself stated that she did not enjoy explicitly philosophizing on the subject of love. She nowhere put forth a comprehensive theory. She did not sufficiently understand Darwinism to draw a judgment on evolutionary theory, as she admitted. She had no real knowledge of comparative anthropology upon which to draw wide-based conclusions, which fact is reflected in her unjustified dismissive criticism of primitive cultures. Many of the practices of primitive cultures, (especially those practices of cultures where population pressure, and not climate or environment were limiting factors,) such as infanticide and human sacrifice were truly barbaric, as with the worship of Baal Moloch and the Mayan practice of live human-heart sacrifice. (Such excesses are often found in the beginnings of agricultural societies.) Yet primitive cultures such as those of the Salish or the Saami (Laplanders) are much more "civilized." It is not the prehistoric brutalities per se of primitive cultures which make them evil. It is the mindless continuation of such traditions such as suttee, after economic and political development make them obsolete that is truly barbaric. But the existence of primitive cultures (and their failure spontaneously to disappear after 1492) is no disgrace. It was a necessary step in human development. Capitalism is no "floating abstraction," it had necessary historical precursors. Was it Orwell who quoted the English officer as telling the Hindu who insisted that widow-burning was a respected tradition of his tribe that hanging widow-killers was a respected tradition of the English tribe?
In any case, Rand too often either dismissed relevant evidence on human nature due to either her ignorance of biology, or her dismissal of comparative anthropology, or her substituting her own personal views and preferences for self-evident universalities. Some of the happiest and most productive egoists have been the courtesans of ancient Greece and the homosexual artists of the Renaissance and the modern day. Those racked with guilt and denial by an altruistic and anti-pleasure religious ethic may have become perverse and corrupt, but so have great monogamous heterosexual statesmen and capitalists. The evidence has not been weighed. The subject is still open.
Ted Keer, 02 October, 2006, USA
(This has been moved from the thread on Cathouse, I feel it is more appropriate here.)
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