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Two mock arguments with socialists (for illumination)

Two mock arguments with socialists (for illumination)
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Argument 1 -- the Argument from Renewed Faith
 
Capitalist:
For at least 4000 years -- since before the time of King Hammurabi of Babylon -- leaders have argued that if we don't give them more central power, command and control over us (to do more central planning and execution), then hordes of innocent folks will needlessly suffer or die. But it's been 4000 years of the same thing, repeated, and we are relatively no better off in their hands than before.
 
Socialist:
Yes. History proves that. But this time it's different. This time the leaders are moved more by the long-term best interests of the "little guy" than of their own enlightened (or unenlightened) self-interests. Not only that, but they've figured out how to effectively do central planning now. They now have both the motivation and the means.
 
Capitalist:
Really? How do you know that?
 
Socialist:
I feel it.
 
Capitalist:
But emotions aren't tools of cognition. You ...
 
Socialist:
I don't care! I don't care! I want my way! I want my way! If you don't agree, you're evil!
 
Capitalist:
[sigh]
 =========================
 
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Argument 2 -- the Argument from Benevolent Despotism
 
Capitalist:
Even if it could be proven that a despot was truly and fully benevolent -- with each and all of our own best interests in mind, and the knowledge and skill required to better our lives -- it wouldn't be a good social system, because it would retard human pride, productivity, and rationality (incentivizing us to remain childlike, needy, and irresponsible).
 
Socialist:
That's the chance that I'm willing to take with your future.
 
Capitalist:
It's not a chance it's a fact.
 
Socialist:
I don't have to believe that. My emotions tell me different. We could all be back in the womb where it's safe and we're all taken care of by Mother Government.
 
Capitalist:
What about people with hopes and dreams and aspirations to be real successful?
 
Socialist:
Fuck them. I'm willing to run their hopes into the gas chambers -- in order to try to eliminate the fear and pain of everyday life (and evade the possibility of joy that would come from being a productive human hero).
 
Capitalist:
[sigh]
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Added by Ed Thompson
on 9/22, 7:32pm

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