I Know What I Need
by Matthew Graybosch
People lie to me all the time. Advertisers tell me that all I have to do to be sexually attractive is to drink the right brand of beer or wear the right brand of clothes. Religious people tell me that I have to accept their brand of mysticism in order to be happy. Politicians tell me that if I hand over just a little more of my freedom then they will make all the world's problems just disappear.
Lies are business as usual. I can safely ignore them for the most part, as a lie rarely harms anybody but the liar and the man stupid enough to believe the lie. Dishonesty is nothing new, and not very shocking. Arrogance, however, is more annoying than dishonesty; it is more difficult to ignore the presumptuous than it is the deceitful.
By arrogance I mean the attitude some take when giving instructions to their equals or orders to their subordinates. Most specifically, I refer to people who say, "You need to," do something when they really mean "I need you to" or "I want you to".
The arrogance of telling one's equal or one's subordinate that they "need" to do something lies in the definition of the words used. To tell a subordinate that they need to do what you want them to do implies that you own them. To tell an equal the same implies unearned authority.
In either case, telling somebody what they need implies that they lack the intelligence to determine for themselves where their interests lie and to act accordingly. To imply such stupidity without evidence is rude.
Rudeness between friends can erode a friendship. What is the point of having a friend whose words display contempt for you?
In an office, such rudeness erodes morale by creating an unpleasant work environment. Why talk to a coworker who orders you around instead of simply telling you that she needs a task performed as quickly as possible. Efficient work-flow is difficult to achieve when workers are unwilling to talk to one another.
Rudeness between a businessman and his employee has detrimental effects as well. If you want to keep your job, it pays to be polite to your employer. Likewise, if you want to keep a good employee, it pays to be polite; respect cuts both ways. Treat an employee with contempt, presume to tell him what he needs instead of making your own needs known, and he will have little reason to put forth his best effort.
If you value a friendship, or want to get things done efficiently, or want to hold on a good employee, make your needs known. Express your desires. Don't tell somebody what they need unless you value resentment and ill will.
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