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The Power of Love (A Sequel) Come with me ... close your eyes and remember the deepest, most wonderful moments, those first great and glorious seconds, days or weeks of ecstasy. The ecstasy of feeling so deeply in love. With being complete at the side of somebody very special ... Did you tell her you loved her? Did you say to him that he was the most beautiful man on the planet? Did you hold her so tight, kiss her sensuously, write her the most lyrical poetry, bring her red roses, sing her songs of romance? If you did, perhaps you will understand what I am going to dare to write now ... That isn't enough. Take your mind back again to those moments of deep love. Remember the third day, the fourth day in which you made love obsessively to that person, that you adored and consumed each other without regrets, so totally committed to enjoying the moment together. Wasn't it wonderful? And more importantly, did the feeling last? For I've come to believe that this is the decisive moment in any relationship. You are there. You have fallen in love, you have celebrated it, and you hope this feeling can last forever. And yet, after you pull the sheets back over your body, kiss your lover goodbye and reluctantly release her from your still-hungry embrace, you return to a forgotten state that you never really left, but which hits you in the heart like a bolt of lightning. You are alone. As you look inside yourself, you see two paths. One is alluring, comforting, inviting, and seductively easy. The second is challenging, requires effort and seems tortuously remote, irrelevant, unnecessary and difficult. The first path is all about her (or him). As you lie alone in your bed, you remember how happy she made you. You know you must have her beside you again. So you pick up the phone and tell her, "I love you," "I need you." You skip work for the day, and so does she. You welcome her back into your arms, and again, you are together, complete. You should feel perfect. Strangely, you don't. The second is all about you. You pause as you lie in the bed, and bring your mind back to yourself, your life, your dreams, your desires. You imagine a future with this wonderful woman, and realise that you must be truly great to live up to the love and expectations she holds in you. You refocus on what it is you do, what makes you the great, productive, virtuous man she fell in love with. You tumble out of bed, and jump back into the groove. You make that appointment, do that work, take control of your life. You live. “You.” At five in the afternoon, your thoughts float back to your lover, and you are filled with pride in having her, earning her, deserving her. You pick up the phone, and invite her to dinner. You know you are good enough, that you are “there” for her to love. Ayn Rand said it more eloquently than anybody else. There is no other line in all of her great writing that I appreciate more than this one: "To say 'I love you' one must first be able to say the 'I.' " If you love somebody, by all means, shower them with affection, passion, adoration. But remember the things in each other that made you get to that place of special love. Build lives that engage and develop the best within yourself and your lover. As Joe Rowlands said so well in his article at SoloHQ, life is a process. Love, he might have added, is also a process. As soon as we treat it as an end unto itself, it is likely to evaporate into an ethereal haze, lost in a jumble of meaningless “I love you”s. Go to the place that love must take you. Take the journey that makes you what you can and ought to be. Inspire and be inspired, reflect and be reflected. I have walked the easy road, and enjoyed the moments of togetherness. Now I want more, and I understand what it will take. I will settle for nothing less. My lover is my hero, she inspires me in her words and her actions. We create dreams between ourselves and work every day to bring them to reality. I am battling with every ounce of determination I can find to live up to her ideals and expectations of me. This article is for her. I love you, my hero, may “I” be yours forever.
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