Supersex Me!
by David Bertelsen
[Editor's note: For those on whom the allusion may be lost, "Perigo" is Portuguese for "danger."]
Manhattan artivist (activist artist) Mr. Guy Simons has created a storm of controversy with his award-winning new movie, “Supersex Me!”
“Women, especially sexy women, have a lot to answer for. They spend millions a year promoting themselves: cosmetics, clothes, diets, plastic surgery. They devour magazines by the thousands, each painstakingly prepared to provide the best possible advice for luring men, and spend hours discussing and refining their strategies with girlfriends. We men cannot resist this. Something must be done.”
So Mr. Simons stepped forth and put himself to the test. 30 days with the bold intention of thinking, acting and, whenever possible, performing sex. No work, no other exercise or activities: just the pure pursuit of lust and the female form.
The effects were devastating and are damning on the women-industry. Over the 30 days Mr. Simons suffered rejection from friends and strangers alike. His body, and particularly his sexual appendage, ended up aching from abuse. Sex, having started out as a challenge and source of pleasure, became an obsession that fed a desire for ever-higher level of frenetic pursuits. His girlfriend threatened to leave him, citing his descent into perverse demands, erratic behaviour and uncontrolled libido.
In short, in just 30 days Mr. Simons proved that women are guilty of mass deceit. They advertise the benefits of their services brutally and often misleadingly. Legs and cleavage are flirted explicitly and flagrantly, with the apparent “come-hither” offer often abruptly withdrawn on the first sign of interest from the target male. Indeed, many offers on the sexual market place proved to have been completely groundless, with their purveyors frequently married or, worse still, frigid. Men were shown to have been conned of billions of dollars in free movies, dinners and gifts each year, as women viciously took advantage of man’s innate and irresistible weakness for their sexual favours.
The movie starts with Mr. Simons at the doctor. A full nude frontal may shock some, but what we observe is a healthy 33 year old male, in good shape with a normal sex life.
Then the challenge begins and we watch as the cameras treat us to a seemingly endless chain of daring sexual attempts and stunts. Starting out enthusiastically (“I’m loving it,” he is heard shouting), by the 8th day his brazen street proposals to young women are faced with a progressively higher rate of rejection, and by the last week he has descended into a state of depression. He hardly leaves his apartment, where he subjects himself to a 24-hour diet of porn, erotic phone calls and the occasional hooker (Mr. Simon claims to have spent only to $40,000 in the making of this movie).
The critics have been near-unanimous in their praise of this ground-breaking reality movie, with the only voice of dissent coming from SOSO (Sense of Sex Objectivists). Their Head of Sexual Activity, Mr. L.N.Z. Danger claimed that the movie was a ridiculous sham and unrepresentative of the true nature of sex. Sex was to be enjoyed, like all else, in moderation, with passion and as part of balanced life style. Thirty days of obsessive sex was an absurd perversion of a noble activity. Danger said it was hard to say who was the more idiotic - the self-publicizing Simons for doing the thing in the first place or the blathering pseudo-academics and critics who swallow the stunt whole, deigning it art and worthy of respectable political debate.
In short, it would be like spending 30 days just eating at McDonalds - an insane idea utterly lacking in common sense that an objective, sane society would reject out of hand.
As a happy endnote to this story, Mr. Simons managed to recover from his 30 days of lust, and has earned millions of dollars from the box-office success of his low-budget movie. The “Supersex Me” t-shirts and merchandising have added to his wealth and his movie antics have earned him the respect of men worldwide and numerous sexual offers from what he calls “very sexy women” seeking to make amends for the evil of their gender.
Asked how he feels about all this, Mr. Simons just grinned.
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